Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
