Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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