My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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