gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
