I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
