My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
