It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
