The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
