So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize