It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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