were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
