Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
