FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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