I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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