Your mouth is God's brothel.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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