Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
