My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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