Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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