Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
