So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
