Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize