why didn't you poke me back
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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