The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
