i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
