Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
