As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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