the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
