At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
