yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
