Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He told me they were just razor bumps!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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