the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
