I cockslap morals
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
