you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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