Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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