i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize