and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
