Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
