If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
