I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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