Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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