you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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