I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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