RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
