Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We left the knife in your bed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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