Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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