I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
