Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
