Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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