May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize