Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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