Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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