We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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