I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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