closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
