the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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