He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
