Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry spassmeister hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(310): View more from California

So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?

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(415): View more from California

what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance

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(650): View more from California

how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?

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(301): View more from Maryland

she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break

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(360): View more from Washington

I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

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(727): View more from Florida

i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.

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(205): View more from Alabama

decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais

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(847): View more from Illinois

this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so

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(330): View more from Ohio

be the chaos you wish to see in the world...

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text

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