Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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