You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
