TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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