Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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