i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
