Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
