Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
