I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
