you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
