so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
