you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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