so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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