there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
