i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
